


Inferno

by CelticPhoenixProductions



Series: Souls Beyond Time [10]
Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Abandonment, Anger, Confessions, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 19:30:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9399836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticPhoenixProductions/pseuds/CelticPhoenixProductions
Summary: Pulling away from a painful reality is a preferable recourse to those that cannot weather the emotions. However, such action only prolongs the inevitable break, an ignition that turns the whole world into a violent vortex of fire. And for some, such a heat is too much to bare alone. [Real World AU] "Souls Beyond Time - Part 10"





	

**Author's Note:**

> Installment ten of 'Souls Beyond Time'!
> 
> Look how far we've come folks! What started off as a small side project really blossomed out into one crazy long series, but one I've been having a blast working on this entire year! The reason I sound so celebratory right now is because this is what I personally consider and aim to be the climax of the Souls Beyond Time series. The last two installments to follow (yes, I said two, a new installment got added to the docket!) will have their own highs and lows, as with all 'standalone' tales, but this is probably the last big angst-filled chapter. The girls are almost out of this thicket of emotions!
> 
> That said, even though I'll probably do so at the conclusion of the series anyway, I wanted to thank you all for being on this journey with me.
> 
> Now, without further delay, the fire finally erupts!

Suggested Listening: "Inevitablis", _Puella Magi Madoka Magica OST_

O/o\O

_Inferno_

There was a saying that 'all good things must come to an end', that nothing beautiful can remain that way forever and all will eventually fade into the night. This dystopic, entropic idea permeates all cultures, all civilizations, and even the most optimistic of people can feel the tingle of the concept curling down their spines. In the wake of recent events, it had become a sort of mantra for Sayaka, who took a morbid comfort in the idiom as time progressed.

In the past she would writhe against such suggestions, her personal identity as a stalwart knight bumping heads with the acceptance of defeat, but ever so slowly the philosophy had wretched it's frozen clutches on her spine and latched there to stay, creating a form of sluggish anxiety that quietly dragged her down each and every day. And though it would more often than not slip into the back of her mind to never be uttered, its presence was always lingering, always haunting her, waiting to renew its self-serving proclamation within her thoughts.

For you see, today Sayaka had been having a pretty good day.

A Saturday off from classes (thank _god_ universities didn't function like normal school), no work at the café, and hanging out with Kyoko for the day. No worrying about what major she was going to sort herself into, no worrying about meeting quotas and quality standard, and no obligations or responsibilities to anyone except for the one friend that'd been there for her the last two months. All the elements were there for a relaxing afternoon (barring the inevitable barbs the two would sling between each other).

Back in the day, moments like this would have entreated Madoka's presence and Mami's as well, but while the strain between the three had died down, the distance had only grown. Mami had been rather busy sorting out any number of legal papers lately, trying to integrate that little mouse of a girl Nagisa into her home life. Likewise, Madoka had been steamrolled by her own rather hefty issues, helping the miracle girl assimilate back into normal life. From what little she'd heard from the pinkette, Homura had managed to wean herself down to carrying a combat knife instead of the incredibly illegal pistol she still had stashed away in her home. Hell, the knife was still probably pushing it. Kyoko, the red spitfire herself, was the only one who managed to consistently hang out with her these days. Maybe the natural chemistry that milled around them made it easier to relate than with Mami or Madoka, or perhaps it was simply because Kyoko had none of the dead weight from any of Sayaka's failed relationship endeavors like the other two, but whatever the reason the girl had become an emotional tent pole for the blunette and for that she was eternally grateful.

Barring that, it was hard to find someone who could go toe-to-toe with her on DDR and it was also rather nice to have _someone_ appreciate her home cooking. While she knew the shadow of Mami loomed over their joint history, unlike her other friends Kyoko never seemed to judge Sayaka by her skill; the girl gobbled up whatever she was served, and if it was half competently made she let her approval be known. Hell, she'd even received a few complements and praise from the redhead, though she'd figured they were just schmoozing in order to get an extra helping (something the shorter girl could have always just asked for). Still, it was nice to dream and pretend the words were genuine.

Today in particular involved all of those elements and then some; going to a movie, hitting the arcade, and then going home for a nice, relaxing meal before sending her newfound friend on her way home with a box of leftovers.

But all of that ground to a halt after leaving the arcade and headed towards the train station that'd take them home.

"…Sayaka, is that you?"

The blunette ground to a halt along the concrete path, her redheaded traveling companion coming to a stop besides her.

"Hmm?" Kyoko shrugged, craning her neck towards the voice behind them. She looked back at the motionless college student, raising a brow, "Hey, Sayaka, got some green-haired chick talkin' to ya."

Sayaka swallowed. That voice, she knew that voice, even if it had been seven months since she had heard it in person. Steeling her nerves, she kicked on her heel, turning to face the voice, her jaw set and her little, whimsical evening completely shucked out the door. She wasn't necessarily ready to face her rival, but it had been long enough since their falling out that maybe she could at the very least look the grunette in the eye.

But the eyes she found first weren't those of viridian but those of steel. Cold, tired, and concerned steel.

"Kyo…suke…?" Sayaka squeaked, taken completely off guard. Her lips and eyes floundered for a second before finding that deep forest she'd been looking for just off to the side of the steel, her riled nerves steadying enough to utter out a polite, "Hitomi…"

For all Sayaka had known following the verbal lashing he'd given her, Kyosuke had still been in the hospital. That did her little good when he was here now, comparatively much healthier than he had been. His left hand, wrist and forearm were locked in a plastic brace while he managed to suspend himself on crutches. It also didn't escape her that Hitomi had her hand loosely fit around his good arm's bicep, not enough to hinder him, but _just_ enough to send clear indications as to where these two stood. The fact that they were coming out of a moderately popular Italian restaurant together dressed to the nines only further compounded that silent message.

"H-hey… Long time no see…" Kyosuke opened, leaning on one crutch and scratching the back of his head.

"Ah… Y-yeah…" Sayaka greeted back, her tongue feeling heavier as a weight dropped past her gut.

Silence hung in the air between the four, Sayaka, Hitomi and Kyosuke all sharing uneasy glances without much to say. Which was why it was both a godsend and a curse when the fourth member among them decided to speak up.

"So…" Kyoko broke in, brow raising further, "Someone die? Am I missing something here?"

The three winced at the rather rude interjection (Sayaka less so considering her exposure to the other girl over the last two months), but Hitomi seemed to roll with it rather quickly, snapping to face the redhead with a plastic smile.

"N-no, no! Of course not!" the grunette prattled, waving a dainty hand. "Sayaka, please, is this a… an acquaintance of yours? Introduce us!"

"Oh, right, right…" Sayaka started, biting her lip. "Kyoko… this is Hitomi and Kyosuke, old… friends…" her throat constricted as the word left, making it much rougher and far more accentuated than she'd intended. "Hitomi, Kyosuke… this is Kyoko. We've been hanging out recently."

"Hey… Sayaka… aren't these two the…?" Kyoko started. Sayaka elbowed her in the side before she could get the words out. The couple looked momentarily perplexed by the silenced statement, but Hitomi pushed forward, placing a lithe finger to her lips.

"Kyoko… Kyoko… Why does that name sound familiar…?" she asked, muttering to herself out loud. The blunnette shifted uncomfortably.

"Mami… because of Mami. She's… that Kyoko…" Sayaka explained, gritting her teeth. She knew what was coming.

Hitomi snapped her fingers, smiling, "Ah, that's right! Mami… Mami… Oh…" And like that, the realization seemed to hit the waifish girl like a freight train, "The same Kyoko… _that_ Kyoko… The one that Mami was… Oh…"

Kyoko shifted on one foot, folding her hands, "Yeah, Mami and I used to be together; got a problem with that?"

Hitomi bit her lip, smudging the well applied makeup ever so slightly. She moved to respond only for Kyosuke to slide in and give her an out.

"Oh, no, no, neither of us do. What people do in their own lives is their business," he responded smoothly. He smiled down at his beau, "From what I hear there was some history involving the topic that simply discomforts her, so shall I suggest we move on to a different topic?"

A pang of jealousy spiked through Sayaka's chest at how quickly Kyosuke was to defend his gi… Hitomi. To defend Hitomi.

Kyoko rolled her eyes at the diplomatic speech, "Look here mister 'prim and proper', you don't nee-."

"No, no, he's right," Sayaka replied, cutting off the redhead. Letting Kyoko keep talking like that would just lead to a more strained, painful conversation. She strained a smile and looked to Kyosuke, "So, tell me, you're looking very… healthy. When did you get discharged?"

"Hmm? This?" he asked, nodding to the crutches, "I've been out maybe about three months now? Over the winter my body just… started to work right… I still go back for physical therapy, but as far as I know I'm going to make a full recovery."

There was a moment of bafflement as the blunette processed what she'd just been told. All of the testing, diagnosis, and prognosis had indicated the boy would never have a normal life again. Every day she was helping him she'd prayed for a marvel like this, something that would quite literally get him back on his feet… And to learn that she wasn't around when it'd happened… Fire and grief began to bubble against her ribs.

Sayaka's smile twitched, "Oh really? That's fantastic to hear. In fact, it's kinda miraculous…" She tried to resist, to stop there, she really did. But some mixture of temptation, spite and retribution pushed her to continue speaking. She looked pointedly at Hitomi, "I'd heard that it was almost impossible that you'd ever recover…"

The grunette's eyes widened in seconds, he mouth falling slack as words failed to materialize.

"Really?" Kyosuke quizzed, "I mean, I know the doctors weren't very optimistic back then, but they never gave me such a dire prediction…"

"Oh, no… It wasn't just the doctors that told me that," Sayaka replied, her grin becoming genuine with sadistic glee. She looked Hitomi dead in the eyes, "Isn't that right, Hitomi?"

"I…! I said no such thing!" Hitomi snapped quickly. Too quickly. Kyosuke's curiosity was piqued.

He looked over to her, brows cross, "Hitomi… what is she saying…?"

Hitomi fidgeted, "Nothing! She's talking absolute gibberish!"

"Hey!" Kyoko snapped back, "I might not have known Sayaka the longest here, but I know she ain't a liar. If she says you said that, you said that. She can't keep a straight face to save her life…"

Among the roiling emotions inside her the briefest blip of something positive, small as it was, manifested through the stream at Kyoko's words, but something on that scale was dwarfed and drowned by what she was already feeling. If only it had been bigger, maybe it would have helped her stop herself.

Hitomi was about to respond when Kyosuke grabbed her hand, "She's right, Hitomi… What did you say?"

Sayaka didn't even wait for the other girl to respond.

"That the people around you would struggle, that you'd never get better… that you'd be some kind of invalid… She told me to give up…" the blunette muttered, her voice softening and dipping in tone, a dark whisper echoing around them. Hitomi winced as each word landed on her ears like hot grease upon skin, all the while Kyosuke regarding her with an ambiguous stare that told of hurt, confusion and restrained rage. "But look…" Sayaka continued, "He's getting better, isn't he? Look at him? They told him he might never be able to _walk_ again, you told me to give up on it, didn't you?"

"What else were we supposed to think, Sayaka?" Hitomi shot back. Kyosuke's eyes widened at the outburst, but the grunette persisted past his emotional gaze, "Everyone, all the doctors all the nurses… All those x-rays and charts…"

Sayaka pursed her lips as her breathing became belabored and she felt water pool amongst her pearly blue eyes. She choked back a sob, steeling her teeth, "We were supposed to be there for him… And you know… Even after everything happened, I still hoped for you… that you'd get out, get better… Isn't that the irony, huh? Turn your back on the one person who genuinely believed you could do it…"

Kyosuke and Hitomi shuffled apart, both of them looking off to the side, distraught. Sayaka had long since stopped caring. The numbing sensation crawling around her chest was new and exciting, a release of tensions a long time coming.

"I… I don't know how to react to this," Kyosuke voiced.

Sayaka laughed, dry and empty, "Yeah, you're terrible at that; reacting to things that is…"

"You don't have to sound so happy about it…" Hitomi growled, "You sound like a kid right now, Sayaka, tattling on her friends…"

The blunette dipped to a scowl, "If only I had friends to tattle on, then you'd have something to talk about…"

Kyosuke looked up, his mouth locked before speaking, "Look, Sayaka… I'm sorry about what happened back at the hospital… I didn't mean to hurt you…"

"'Didn't mean to hurt me'?" Sayaka twitched, "That's the verbal equivalent of bandaging a decapitation…"

The boy's eyes narrowed, "Look… Sayaka, we really hurt you, we get that, but that doesn't mean you can't be civil…"

The blunette chuckled, looking at the cracks in the sidewalk. She nodded at his statement, pursing her lips and looking him dead in the eye, "Did she tell you…?"

"What?" Kyosuke blinked.

"Did." Sayaka asked again, "She. Tell. You?"

His brows rose, "Tell me what Sayaka?!"

"That day, when you snapped at me, do you know why I'd come in early?" she asked. There was no waiting for a response, it had been completely rhetorical. "Why I came to see you?! I was going to confess," the broken admission was made with a brief but grandiose wave of her arms, "Hitomi had given me a deadline, my last chance to tell you before she decided to step in and ask you herself, and I was about to take it the moment you started yelling!"

Kyosuke's face froze before going pale, blinking. It took him a moment to even form words, "I… Sayaka… I didn't…"

Sayaka's head snapped forward from her little flamboyant arm motions, "Of course you didn't! You never noticed _anything_!" She was shouting now, and the bubbling fire in her throat told her that she should be _happy_ that she was, "Because you're blinder than a goddamned bat! It's almost like that fall took your fucking eyes too!"

Silence echoed through the street. A few passersby took note of the shouts, one or two even taking a moment to stop and scope out the situation before carrying on their way. There was a small, rational part of Sayaka's mind that noted how low it was to resort to his injury in such a flamboyant way… but that part of her brain wasn't in control at the moment anyway.

Kyosuke, the target of Sayaka's rage, was the quickest to respond, catalyzed by her vitriolic slights, "Sayaka, p-please, I'm sorry! I… If it… we can talk this… maybe we can… It's not like I don't like you. If you want, maybe we can try…"

His scrambling did nothing but maker her want to look away. Instead she found Kyoko, standing tense by her side, seemingly ready to pounce on either of the couple's halves at a moment's notice, crutches and brace be damned. And in that moment some simple words came to mind, almost the same words that Kyoko had told her the first day they'd become friends.

"I don't take pity, Kyosuke," she spat, her face twisting with disgust and indignation. "I was _trying_ to be nice, I was _trying_ to be there for you, and all you did was turn around and yell at me because I'd made a fucking mistake," Sayaka seethed, her fist trembling at her side. "I've seen what kind of man you are, and I don't want any part of that." She glanced up and met his eyes dead on, "Fuck you." She looked to Hitomi, "Fuck her." She looked to Kyoko and gave her a head nod for them to leave, turning to storm away from the couple, "And fuck this whole fucking mess. I'm out!"

Kyoko was quick to follow, relaxing her tensed stance before shrugging at the couple and giving them a snap/finger-guns combo, silently vanishing into the summer night behind the blunette.

O/o\O

Suggested Listening: "Cubilulum album", _Puella Magi Madoka Magica OST_

O/o\O

Kyoko was, understandably, concerned.

Sayaka didn't say a word as they approached the station, her legs a constant patter against the beaten path leaving the redhead to double time it in the taller girl's wake. A number of times she almost reached out, almost opened her mouth and asked the simple question, but she had a feeling she already knew the answer and how it might simply irritate the blunette that she even had to ask.

It hurt, to be honest. In only so many short weeks the two had grown insanely close, even by Kyoko's own brash standards, and with how strong that connection was the redhead was more than a little disheartened that Sayaka hadn't told her some of the things she'd yelled at those two scatterbrains. Then again, the more she thought about it, there were quite a few emotional things about her own issues that she'd left on the cutting room floor herself, so she supposed that to accuse Sayaka of hiding something would be more than a little hypocritical. And as much as Kyoko liked having fun teasing people or cracking jokes, the one thing that she hated most were hypocrites.

Kyoko scowled, looking behind her to make sure the two dumbasses weren't following them. Satisfied that the six blocks they'd walked had left the couple in the dust, she felt more comfortable finally taking some action. Normally she wouldn't be one to be so cautious, but in this particular case, with this particular girl, Kyoko had her reasons for being hesitant.

"Hey, _Who_ girl, slow it down, will ya?" the redhead barked, grabbing Sayaka's swinging wrist. Sayaka snarled in response, not even glancing back and struggling to pull forward regardless of the sudden restraint. When that didn't work, she finally turned around, her eyes red and laced with tears, pawing at the grip at her wrist with her free hand.

"Let go, Kyoko, let go now!" the blunette rumbled.

Kyoko didn't move, letting a snarl of her own loose. To outsiders it might as well have looked like two dogs ready to throw down.

"For Christ's sake, Sayaka, I think we did a pretty good job of hitting the concrete, you can take a breath," the shorter girl retorted, swatting Sayaka's liberating hand away.

"Get the fuck off, Kyoko!" Sayaka shrilled, finally managing to yank her hand away.

Despite the hurt she could see in the taller girl's eyes, the redhead gave the blunette a flat, condescending look. To her credit, Sayaka didn't continue her march, instead taking a moment to rub at the raw circle left around her wrist.

"Look, we've left them in the dust. Now either you can calm down and talk this through with me, or keep on pouting and suffer more. Your choice," she laid out, her eyes narrowed and accusing.

"You wouldn't understand," the blunette hissed, whipping her hand to her side and turning around. Kyoko rolled her eyes as her friend quickly chose to restart her march.

"Of course I don't understand, _because you're not talking to me_ ," the redhead emphasized. "I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

Sayaka glared at her as the shorter girl kept pace, "I don't _want_ your help, Kyoko. So please, just… just shut up." The blunette's voice got more and more level as the sentence let on, leaving Kyoko a little more alleviated. Though, that didn't help the sudden stab of pain in her gut that sprouted out after Sayaka had denied wanting any help.

"And if I _want_ to help…" Kyoko started, her words slowly fading her, steadily becoming weaker as her thought went on, "What do I do then?"

Sayaka paused, taking in a deep breath, eyes never leaving the walk ahead of her, "I don't know… Go home, or something. I don't need someone's help right now. I'd rather be alone right now."

Kyoko clicked her tongue. Even without looking right into them she could feel the fire dimming behind Sayaka's eyes. It was something that'd happened to herself a few years back when her father had attempted to kill her family; that disheartened stature, the lifeless irises, the demands for isolation that were nothing more than cries for companionship. She wasn't about to let Sayaka tread that path. At least, not alone.

"That's the last thing you need," Kyoko stated, her poise adamant as she came to stand besides the blunette. The younger girl glared down at her.

"Don't tell me what I need. You don't know everything Kyoko," Sayaka snarled, resuming her trek.

"Yeah, and? Smarts or not, I'm not letting you out of my sight," the redhead replied smoothly as they finally reached the station. The two swiped their train passes and started their short jog to the boarding platform. "That's the most raw I've seen you since we met. I'm not going to let a good night end on such a shitty note."

Sayaka sighed, the bags under her eyes becoming more and more pronounced as the minutes dragged on, leaning against one of the support pillars of the platform, "You don't fucking give up, do you?"

The redhead put her arms behind her neck, stretching out her empty stomach and accidentally prompting it to growl. She gave a wry smile to her younger companion, "Not when there's food on the line, I don't."

Sayaka blinked at her with tired eyes. And then she snorted. And she snorted again, her mouth opening in a brief hiccup. And then she devolved into full blown laughter, clutching her gut as she relied almost entirely on the support pillar to keep her steady. A few of the commuters looked their way, most likely finding the sound unsettling or annoying, but to Kyoko even that mirthless, tired laughter was music to her ears in the wake of the absolute bile that had poured from Miki's mouth not ten minutes ago.

"Always with the food, aren't you…?" Sayaka giggled, wiping away a tear. Be it from the laughing fit or from the screaming fit, Kyoko wasn't able to say.

"Well, yeah, got an image to maintain and all that, right?" Kyoko noted, scratching her chin and sashaying once to the side.

Sayaka gave a weary smile, though stayed slumped against the pillar, "Yeah… Gotta make sure no one mistakes you for someone who gives a damn…"

"Damn straight," Kyoko nodded.

Quiet slipped between the two as they waited for the train, a nice, silent moment, though undermined by a subtle unease. Sayaka's eyes had become lifeless, absently staring up into the night sky, craning her neck at what was most likely a very awkward angle. That hadn't stopped the girl's behavior before, admittedly, but the listless way the girl move still gave Kyoko shivers.

"The stars are beautiful tonight, don't you think…?" Sayaka asked, her voice distant, neither happy nor sad.

Kyoko gave a curious glance upward, huffing in amazement that she could actually make out the slivers of light among the light pollution emitted by the city itself, a rare sight in this day and age.

"Yeah… it's nice…" the girl sighed, leaning on the pillar next to her friend. Maybe she couldn't really help Sayaka for now, but indulging the girl on a tangent that allowed her to forget, if only for a moment, was enough to settle Kyoko's fraying nerves over the whole ordeal. She gave a smirk; she knew how to steer this conversation. "My dad would take me and Momo star watching when we were younger," nostalgia leaked from the words, even as the heart of those very words were strained. "Always said that they were guardian angels, looking down on us, that they'd keep us safe when things go wrong…"

Sayaka nodded, giving her feet a glance as they shuffled beneath her, "Is that so…?"

"Yeah…" Kyoko continued, her voice still wistful and pained. "I don't know how true it is, to be honest. I haven't believed in just about anything since what went down with my family… But, whenever I looked up at them… Well, I guess that side of me hasn't quite died out yet…"

The blunette continued to stare into the speckled abyss. With the way her lips were parted and the way the light bounced off her porcelain skin, even with the empty eyes Kyoko had to admit the girl looked stunning.

The redhead blinked, shaking the thought from her head and clamping down on any more outbursts from her subconscious.

"It's hard," Sayaka breathed, "Hard to get over things you were so confident in being lies…"

"They weren't lies," Kyoko corrected, "Just… misconceptions… That's the word, right?

Sayaka frowned, "Yeah, I guess you're right… Doesn't change much."

The redhead bit the inside of her cheek. Somehow, Sayaka had managed to walk the conversation back to her problems. For as much as she wanted to avoid confronting the issues at their source, the girl had a habit of dwelling on them.

A gust of wind caught Kyoko by surprise, and she looked down just enough to find that their ride had arrived.

"The train's here…" she voiced, nodding to the open doors.

Sayaka brought her head down and, upon seeing the carriages, gave a simple 'oh' before approaching. Kyoko fell into step beside the blunette, her mind working overtime trying to think of ways to get Sayaka's mind off those darker thoughts.

In a flash, she put plan 'B' into action.

"Soooo…. What are you planning to cook tonight?" Kyoko asked, threading herself over her taller friend's shoulder. The two grabbed onto the hand holds over head, facing each other in the mostly empty compartment as the train set off towards its destination.

The blunette looked back at her, eyes weighted with dark bags, "I… Probably something microwaved, to be honest… I don't really feel up to cooking. Sorry if that disappoints you…"

Kyoko stared at the younger girl, that distraught worm in her stomach wriggling against her belly as it had during most of the preceding fight with Sayaka's former friends. She wasn't sure if she should be grateful it wasn't wriggling because she'd go hungry that night.

"Hey… If it's alright with you… I'll cook…" Kyoko suggested, gripping her one arm uneasily.

Sayaka appraised her with a mixture of awe and confusion before giving an empty smile.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm not in the mood to be taking pity…" the younger girl sighed.

Kyoko raised her brow, "It's not pity; it's taking one for the team. Friends do that for one another." The redhead opened her free arm, an invitation that Sayaka only had to blink at once before accepting it. The cerulean girl fell into Kyoko's arms, resting her head on the shorter girl's shoulder, letting her limp form be cradled by Kyoko's tightening grip.

"Thank you, Kyo…" Sayaka whispered, sniffling once as she buried herself into the girl's neck.

"Not a problem, Meeks," Kyoko smiled.

Sayaka leaned back, raising a brow at the redhead, "'Meeks'?"

The two parted as Kyoko scratched her chin, trying to suppress the blush rushing to her face. Neither of them noticed the train coming to rest at the next station around them.

"Yeah, well, I'm running out of nicknames for you. I kinda peaked early with that 'Eiffel 65' joke, so I thought it'd be smarter to actually give you a real nickname now than keep the joke going till it got old," she explained thoughtfully.

The train jilted back onto its path as Sayaka snickered, gripping at her stomach to resist another laugh. And in the moment she looked up at Kyoko, the redhead saw that glimmer, that sparkle in the blunette's eyes that told her that the woman in front of her was far from dying; the best aspects, that bright personality, had only been put on hold while this day's ordeal unfolded.

"You're adorable, you know that?" Sayaka giggled.

Kyoko reddened, her skin becoming almost volcanic. She floundered in place at the compliment, stomping on the ground indignantly, "H-hey! I'm n-not 'adorable'! I'm rough-n'-tumble with the rest of 'em, y' got that!"

The retaliation only lead to more laughter and more missed words of mockery, missed because Kyoko was too happy to hear more than just that empty laugh from just a few minutes prior.

And then, as with all best laid plans, it collapsed.

Words from just down the compartment of the train echoed back to where they stood, a man with a deeper voice talking to another a pitch higher, "No way, man, you can't let the dumb slut make excuses like that; you gotta make her hand all her cash over. Dumb bitches. You only get their hands on some coins and they blow it all on stupid shit for reals."

"Seriously, gee? Can't treat 'em like they got any brains, that's for sure. Treat 'em like the dumbass bitches they are," the second man replied, his voice dragging like a scythe upon the steel paneled floor. Sayaka stiffened where she stood, that momentary flicker of light dying far too quickly for Kyoko's tastes. "My hoe's so dumb, she freaking loves it like that. I just tell her, 'I'll bust your shit!' she shuts right up!"

Kyoko looked over Sayaka's shoulder, just realizing for the first time that these two men were the only other passengers in their compartment. The skeezballs were dressed in casual street clothes, with unkempt beards and shaggy hair. The redhead looked down to her friend, whose face was drawing darker by the second. She reached a single hand out towards the blunette, a sudden pick of icy indecision stabbing into her stomach.

"Sayaka…" she murmured, thinking she could pull the younger girl's attention back towards herself. That was a fool's errand.

"You let up on 'em and they're all like 'I wanna get married'," the first man continued while the second man nodded.

"You can't be soft, man, can't be soft," the other man agreed, "I'm all like, 'you think a shit-for-brains hoe like you's gonna be making as much in ten years? That body ain't gonna last forever, y'know!?'"

Kyoko's lips curled at the blanket statements, her fingers curling into a preemptive fist. It would feel good to knock some sense into these guys. Too good. She needed to resist or else she'd probably land herself in jail. Her father had taught her about all the ills in the world, and though he may have turned out to be one of those monsters his advice in such circumstances had never done her wrong when dealing with them. To make the first move was more than sinful, it was foolish; to be patient and wait for the fool to make himself known was for the smart and brave. Reacting brashly was her nature, but tapering such impulses was a point of pride for her, especially when the chips were really at stake.

Which didn't seem to be a concern of Sayaka's, as the blunette turned on her heels and shuffled back towards where the two man sat, her face neutral but shaded, her steps soundless and void. Kyoko only noticed at the last second before reaching out to the taller girl, an alarmed lasso that missed by scant inches. This… was not going to go well.

"And then you dump 'em, and they get all 'why me'," the first man mimicked, raising his hands in mock offense. He leaned onto his knees and pointed to his companion, "You know, who's gooda' dumping hoes? Sho, man, Sho. Now _that_ mother..."

Sayaka stopped a foot or two away from the men before she started talking. But when she did, her words were cold, calculated.

"Hey, you," she breathed, "I wanna know more about your girl."

The two men looked to her, the first one responding first, "What the…?"

Sayaka continued, "I wanna know about the girl you guys were just talking about. Tell me more about her."

The demand was met with shared confused glances between the two men. The second man look back at her, eyes drawing more narrow, "You're, like, in high school, kid. You should be home in bed…"

Even at this distance Kyoko could see Sayaka trembling. Very cautiously, so as to not trigger some kind of freak-out, the redhead began to snake her way behind Sayaka.

The blunette's breath hitched as she ignored the man's suggestion, talking past his incorrect assumption, "Your girlfriend, I bet she loves you and tries really hard to make you happy, doesn't she? I bet you know she does, don't you?" The words were biting, almost inhuman with which she delivered them, so much so that Kyoko almost recoiled in her approach. She watched as Sayaka's knuckles turned white against the pale lighting of the cabin, "And instead of saying thanks, you sit there calling her a bitch. Then dump her when she gets old."

The second man leaned over to the first, "Yo, you know this kid?"

The first man shook his head, equally as confused, "What? No… Never seen her in my life…"

"Hey, is this world even worth living in?" Sayaka wondered aloud, looking up to the ceiling as her eyelids began to twitch on an almost microscopic level. "What have I been breathing for all this time?" she asked, looking back down at the men. With her empty eyes and cheeks stained in fresh tears, it was as though she pierced through their non-existent souls with her gaze, "Answer me... right now." The growl echoed around the car, her teeth grinding shut as she took a step forward, fists raising, "Come one, tell me. Or else..." Sayaka paused, shuddering in place, anger burning through her twisted face, "Or else… Just _tell me_!" The shout was echoed by three equally quick movements.

The first was Sayaka, who lunged for the poor excuse for a man seated in front of her, the one berating his girlfriend unabashed.

The second was the man in question, who saw the attack coming a split second early and moved to get out of the way.

The third was Kyoko, who had seen this eventuality the minute Sayaka had waddled over to dig into the men.

As the first man hit the ground Kyoko had already wrapped her arms around Sayaka's, locking the taller girl in place. This was a point, though, where Sayaka's stature wouldn't help her. While tall, Kyoko had had quite the rough time living as an 'orphan', and thus had upper body strength to spare while restraining the enraged blunette.

"LET GO OF ME KYOKO!" Sayaka shouted, thrashing against the redhead.

"NO! I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU MAKE A GODDAMNED MISTAKE!" Kyoko shouted back, taking a step back and pulling the girl with her.

The man on the ground skittered to the complete back of the train, hands immediately going for the door handle to the next compartment. "THE FUCK MAN?!" he barked, "BITCH IS RABID, KEEP HER ON A GODDAMNED LEASH!"

Kyoko snapped her eyes at the man, her insides finally boiling over in a more… acceptable fashion than violence, "IF SHE NEEDS A LEASH, ASSHATS LIKE YOU NEED A FUCKING MUZZLE! IF YOU HAD A SHRED OF COMMON DECENCY SHE WOULDN'T BE LIKE THIS, PRICKS!"

"We were mindin' our own fuckin' business!" the second man butt in, his voice lower but no less aggressive than anyone else's.

The train beneath them shifted, slowing to a stop at the next station. Immediately Sayaka wrenched herself from Kyoko's hands and bolted out the door, without even stopping to check which station it was.

Kyoko watched her go, dumbfounded if only for a second. She looked back at the men, both of whom were now standing and snarling at her.

"Get out of here, you dyke," the taller man growled.

Kyoko rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to hit them herself. She lifted her middle finger as she exited the car, "May your balls shrivel off and get eaten by a squirrel."

The minute her feet hit the platform, she was off, praying that this would be the last time that day she'd have to go running off after her favorite blunette.

O/o\O

Suggested Listening: "Decretum", _Puella Magi Madoka Magica OST_

O/o\O

" _I've been out maybe about three months now?_ "

Her legs burned beneath her, the world smudged into watercolors with her tears.

" _You sound like a kid right now, Sayaka, tattling on her friends…_ "

Her teeth bashed against one another as they struggled to stay closed, leaving a dull ache along her incisors.

" _I've seen what kind of man you are, and I don't want any part of that._ "

Lies, all lies. Lies to them, lies to herself. She squeezed her eyes close, blinding her dash into the night.

" _I… Sayaka… I didn't…_ "

" _Of course you didn't! You never noticed_ anything _!_ "

Breathing was almost impossible, making her face mirror her hair in complexion. Sayaka skid to a halt, briefly realizing that she'd stumbled upon one of the city's numerous highway overpasses, its beautifully carved stone, intricate railing and gorgeously carved murals mocking in the face of its mundane purpose. It was something she could relate to; trying to appear as something more when in reality only serving a single goal; it was just a bridge and she was just his friend.

The friend that had been with him the entire time. That had sat there as they'd read off his prognosis, that had faced every frown with a smile, every ache with soothing words and held his hand as the world seemed to close in around him.

" _Seriously, gee? Can't treat 'em like they got any brains, that's for sure. Treat 'em like the dumbass bitches they are._ "

The words from the older men burned, like acid against her tongue and razor wire down her throat, but they burned with the weight of truth. She gripped the railing, managing to lean over it just as the first involuntary wretch wormed its way up her esophagus. She was thankful that no cars passed below as her stomach made its way to the pavement.

She shivered. She should have known better. She should have known that he never shared any of those looks, that he never shared a sweet word with her outside of basic courtesy, that he never gazed at her the way she had always gazed at him.

" _My hoe's so dumb, she freaking loves it like that. I just tell her, 'I'll bust your shit!' she shuts right up!_ "

If only! If only, she thought, if only she had even had a relationship like that! Then she would at least have the relationship she so craved. Her mind spit back at her, chiding her for such puerile, juvenile thoughts, but there was no shaking the want to be abused rather than ignored.

" _And then you dump 'em, and they get all 'why me'._ "

Sayaka laughed bitterly at that one. Yeah, 'why me?' indeed.

On the asphalt below her bile was but a black splotch against grey stone, creating a splattered pattern that she actually found to be rather… enticing.

"Jesus Christ…" a voice huffed from behind her. It was Kyoko. She knew it was Kyoko. The redhead was more than persistent. There were a few more exhausted breathes before the other girl's words became more reliable, "Fuck you're hard to keep pace with…"

Sayaka didn't spare the shorter girl a glance; no need.

"So, how much longer are you going to keep running like this?" Kyoko asked, her voice even. What would normally have been a biting accusation from the spitfire was instead tame and distressed.

The blunette leaned back from the rail, gripping it so as to crane her neck in a backwards stretch. She looked at Kyoko from the bend, giving the girl an empty smile, "I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble…"

"Seriously?" Kyoko scrunched her brow, "Doesn't sound like you at all…"

Sayaka frowned, leaning forward and looking back out at the glistening cityscape. Kyoko was wrong. This was how she always felt, like a burden; wanting to be the one to lift the weight and instead becoming the weight itself.

"…Sayaka…" the mutter was tentative and lacked confidence. Kyoko was quiet after that, watching, she was sure, uncertain how to react.

"…I can't keep running from it. I _still_ love him, damnit! I want to hate him! I want to hate her! I want to _so badly_ , but I just _can't_!" Sayaka shouted to the sky, her voice choked and raw. "I put so much time and effort into it… I should have known it would end up like this! I was blinder than Kyosuke was…"

And at that Sayaka took one last, longing look at that smattering on the roadway below before finally willing her legs to bend. In moments she had clambered up onto the railing, standing perfectly balanced on the metal pole.

The road was maybe 30… 40 feet down. It was a pretty high bridge. She was sure it'd be painless.

She was confident she saw Kyoko's eyes widen out of the corner of her vision.

"Sayaka! What the fuck are you doing!" the redhead shouted. The girl tried to move closer, but Sayaka flexed her legs and the she was forced to pull back. For once, the blunette was in full control.

A cool breeze whisked through the air and Sayaka closed her eyes, imagining herself in the cool running surf of the ocean, submerged and falling deeper. She smiled as the depths surrounded her and blotted out that harsh sun above. She opened her eyes to the darkened city, the glistening windows like the bubbles of the sea, towering above her.

"Life sucks, y'know? The more I tried to help I only ended up making myself more and more miserable…" she croaked, smiling over a torrent of tears.

She looked Kyoko in the eye, her heart finally breaking with the pain she saw reflected in those orbs. There was a titillating thrill from the sight, a vindication of her actions; yes, she would hurt them all the same way. She would not be forgot, she would be the painful stain on their lives like her guts upon the freeway.

In that moment, Sayaka chose carefully, rasping out what she fully intended to be her last words, "I was stupid... so stupid..."

And with that she spread her arms and fell, surrendering herself to the metropolitan ocean depths.

There was a pleasant upending in her stomach as gravity took over. She had long ago readied herself to be married to a disabled man, a daily struggle; in comparison, falling was easy.

And then she stopped, her weight becoming far more pronounce as her biceps were caught by an unseen wedge.

Maybe it wasn't as easy as she thought.

Sayaka looked up, her gaze empty. To her surprise, she was met with a dangling plume of red hair and the infuriated face of its owner.

"Not…" Kyoko snarled, her breath strained under the exertion of holding Sayaka aloft, "on my… watch… Miki…"

"Just… Let me go!" Sayaka screeched, shaking in the redhead's grip. She stopped, though, when she got a glimpse past Kyoko's mane; the redhead was barely keeping them aloft with stomach dangling just off the railing, leaving them both in an incredibly precarious position. Were Sayaka to struggle too much, the other girl would be going with her.

A sick part of her mind liked the idea of not going out alone.

"Just… please, Kyoko… Please…" Sayaka begged, letting her head sag back down.

"For Christ's sake," the other girl grunted, trying to heft them both back up to the ledge. She only gained a millimeter of ground, "All of this because some boy never got it up over you. Fuck, you're shallower than I thought."

Sayaka grit her teeth, "It's not just that. Everyone… Everyone… Kyosuke might never have noticed me… but it's not just him…" She felt herself dragged up another half inch. For a moment Kyoko's arms slackened, a moment of weakness that left Sayaka dangling close to her objective only for the arms to come back with even more zeal than before. "Mami and Madoka are drifting away, with their own problems... and now I've hurt two of the people I can't help but care about the most…" Sayaka coughed. "Everyone's drifting away from me… I'm pushing everyone away…." the blunette wheezed, a small drip of bile sliding from her lips.

"And then what…" Kyoko snarled harder, giving a hard tug. "…does _that_ ," she grunted hoisting Sayaka up to the bar. "… _make_ _me_?!" the shout resonated across the bridge as Kyoko flung Sayaka to the bridge, both girls collapsing once their bodies met stone.

The bricks flew up to meet the blunette's face, dragging a long scratch along her cheek and very possibly breaking the bone beneath. Fresh feeling waved through her body, the shot of pain waking up all of her senses and sending a jolt of adrenaline into her bloodstream. In seconds she was back up, rushing back towards the railing.

And in seconds, she was back down cradling a second bleeding cheek as another wave of pain, this time _just_ pain, edged into her bones.

"Not again, you are _not_ going off this fucking bridge again," Kyoko huffed, shaking her open hand in the air. Its knuckles were split and bloody, perfectly in line with the younger girl's cheek.

Sayaka rolled on the ground, gripping the wound, a sound like a dying puppy bounding from her chest.

"Kyoko… Please…" Sayaka begged again.

"What the fuck am I, huh?" Kyoko shouted, reiterating her question. Sayaka looked up in time to find the redhead crying. The older girl gripped her chest and bit her lip, "What am I? Fuck those people, I'm here aren't I?"

The blunette pushed herself to her hands, elbows shaking and unsteady the whole way. She looked up, "Kyoko… I… You're…" Words wouldn't come to her lips. The redhead had been left out simply because so little time had been spent with her. To think she wouldn't have been affected by what happened was only natural. But that hurt. Sayaka struggled to shake her head. Her thoughts were too muddled to make sense of what was happening.

Kyoko fell to her knees and wrapped Sayaka in a hug, pulling the taller girl in tight, "You're… the first friend I've had in a long time… And the last two months have been… crazy for me…" She squeezed tighter, rubbing her face into Sayaka's shoulder, "Please, _please_ don't make it end. You're my best friend… Hell, you're more than that…"

Sayaka's shaking hand found its way to Kyoko's back, resting like a wet noodle across the girl's spine, "What are you…?"

"Don't make me spell it out, will you?" the redhead snapped. After a prolonged and confused silence, Kyoko growled, "Goddamnit… I'm… you… I think I'm…" The spitfire's words died out, what few she spoke after being quiet, reflective, and scared, "I think I'm falling for you. And I don't just think anymore… Seeing you up there… Seeing you fall…" She squeezed hard, almost suffocating Sayaka with how tight it was, "I don't want to live in a world without you…"

Sayaka hiccupped ever so briefly, trying desperately to maintain some form of composure. But, within a minute, she failed, her face becoming a fountain of fluids and noises, none of which were very flattering. But that didn't matter. She was in someone's arms. Someone who was genuinely there for _her_ , someone who cared for _her_ , someone who loved _her_.

All this time she had thought herself the knight looking for the damsel… never once had she thought it'd be the other way around…

But Kyoko wasn't finished, her words jittery, "It doesn't matter if you feel the same way or not. I just… I want to be there for you… I want to make sure you're safe… I never want to let you go."

Between the caress and the crying Sayaka couldn't breathe at all, but still she managed to hug back with all her might, trying to hold Kyoko as tightly as she was holding Sayaka.

"Then… then…" Sayaka sobbed, "I'll just… never let you go, either… Okay? Promise me… And I'll promise you…"

If it was even possible, Kyoko tightened the hold, "In a heartbeat."

Sayaka just smiled and pushed her face into the girl's shoulder.

Eventually, all things must end, but that day Sayaka discovered why; in the wake of an inferno, new life is borne from the ashes of the old. In the wake of one relationship comes the birth of another.

As she sat there, coated in a mess of her own tears and mucus, nestled in the arms of someone holding her beneath that gorgeous starlit sky, Sayaka mused that maybe the fire of the last few years would be worth the burns.

She wasn't sure if it would, but for the first time in what felt like forever, Sayaka was eager to see where her future lead.

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit was this chapter hard to write. So many emotional extremes going on and almost every single one of them angling in the negative. I don't know how well I managed to capture Sayaka's thoughts on the matter, or if it makes a whole lot of sense. I'm at a point right now that it feels like everything I write just looks like random words to me, I've become incredibly detached, though not in the worst sense of the word.
> 
> But yes, we're FINALLY to one of the moments that kickstarted this whole series. Sayaka was an interesting character to tackle for the most part, since she is, out of the main five, the most likely to attempt suicide. I always figured that the soul gems going completely black were some equivalent metaphor for that final 'push' so to speak, the thing that would drive people to take their own lives (I mean, hell, Witches cause suicide in the show, so it fits), so it only makes sense that the one girl in the show's primary timeline that goes Witch would be the one to attempt to opt out of all of her problems.
> 
> Kyoko was fun to write in that regard, since she gets to spend so much time as the voice of reason. She's been through this shit and she's not letting our favorite bluenette get dragged down by it. I mean, losing your family, even if it's not through death, probably at least caters some suicidal thoughts. She just has a little more resolve to not pull that trigger and she's more than willing to show Sayaka how to resist that temptation as well.
> 
> And, once more Hitomi and Kyosuke take centerpoint as the main conflict brigade. At this point they're both probably the 'main antagonists' of this fic series, which isn't an inaccurate moniker. I hope people don't misconstrue Sayaka's rantings for my own. While I don't consider them angels in these situations, I think they both get too much flak from the fandom. Here they make mistakes, like everyone else does. It's just very hard for Sayaka to think rationally and humanely when she's a shitstorm of rage, anxiety, jealousy and loneliness. Abandonment issues, abandonment issues everywhere!
> 
> A friendly reminder though to all the good people out there that my P-a-t-r-e-o-n is still active and I appreciate any support! Just look up CelticPhoenix and you should find me. Look! I even fixed the name!
> 
> Also a reminder that commissions are open and will continue to be! I'm always eager to write more for people, so don't be afraid to shoot me a message or an email asking about fandoms, prices and concepts!
> 
> That's all for now, catch ya on the flipside!


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